The cruiser opened up, shells furiously flying all around During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you. Divert your course NOW! Reproduction of any part of this website without direct permission is prohibited. Then one day I couldnt find it. Soldier: WTF, you had air conditioners? An Airman, Soldier, and Marine are sitting around talking about hardships they faced on their last deployment. Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death ..I Shall Fear No Evil. The program was halted when, after years of research and millions of dollars spent, the spy cat was run over by a cab. My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. Get up! Checking to see that he had everyones attention, he asked, What is the first rule?, Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, Shut up, Drill Sergeant!, Army Says: HOOOOOAH! Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him umpteen times, Stop telling people Im in the Army! It finally seemed to hit home because on the admittance form for kindergarten, under fathers profession, the teacher wrote, He doesnt know what his father does, but hes not in the Army.. Related read: 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. They want their patients to see 20:20! Want more amazing military jokes? And )second In-flight Snacks Little treats sealed in a bag that can only be opened by using a chainsaw. ", The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with "I made it out of DC-8 parts. [Answered]. I wouldnt set foot on any ship that intentionally sinks.. When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. During the question-and-answer period, he was asked, How did you know the war was over? Because hes a captain in the Air Force. Mother, As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made. Two Army second lieutenants started debating over certain distances. Everyone seemed OK with this order except for one confused recruit. My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Army territory Age: 57 Posts: 26 Likes: 0 Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts Good RAF Army Banter/Jokes As a new poster, I hope you can help me. Even better, have them explain the joke to you after and have a good laugh yourself. August 15, 2021. P | Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. Then, in a soft voice, he said, Probably. Why did the optometrist set his clock to military time? When the plane was descending for the landing, the Marine put his boots back on and quickly realized the Soldier had been spitting in his boots. (Sign over the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan). However, one day he came into the room whistling with a smile on his face. Yes, she said. He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. It does look like its been fished out from the bottom of the sea.. Well, I, too, am a SEASONED Veteran! There are so many funny military jokes and jabs out there so it took me a while to compile a list of only the best. If at least ONE military joke below doesnt make you giggle, well, wed be concerned. S | No 2 propeller seepage normal - No 1, No 3, and No 4 propellers lack normal seepage. What is a Soldiers least favorite month? These jokes are perfect for anyone in the military to laugh at. He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. ! Caller: Is Sgt. Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. I just shut down two engines, kid" came the sarcastic reply. 3. A: The jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down. The only time you have too much fuel is when you are on fire, 47. U.S. Air Force Grounds Hundreds of Jets: Their Tails May Fall Off He looked over at the Soldier and said when are we going to stop playing these games, spitting in each others boots and pissing in each others drinks, its so juvenile!. These military jokes about the United States Air Force are a mixed bag. The soldier remarked, How long was I in there for?. They know how to take up space. Our pilots FLY much better than they DRIVE so please remain seated until the captain finishes taxiing and brings the aircraft to a complete stop at the terminal, 13. Reluctantly, he showed it to me. S | Engine found on right wing after brief search. One day you will walk out to your aircraft KNOWING that it is your last flight. ! Again, no reply. For more information about us or joining the team, check out the About Us tab. The sergeant came in, grabbed a spoon, and took a taste. What happened Sergeant? An officer asked if I knew what it meant. As they started loading the plane for the return trip, the pilot said the plane could take only four moose. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. Anecdotes 1. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your Flight Attendants, 24. Me: Sorry, you have the wrong number. Do you know where the sensor is located? my coworker asked. Then the sergeant announced that everyone would get a three-day pass except me. Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. (pointing at the sky). Guys, do you know some jokes related to military aviation? The Marine insisted that since he was in the aisle seat he would get it for him. My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. Multi Engine Training Manual When one engine fails on a twin-engine aircraft, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash, 48. If air traffic controllers screw up, pilots also die. These one-liner jokes about the Coast Guard life are bound to make any Coastie crack up. Mother, as you know, I, too, am a captain in the Air Force. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Picking up some unidentifiable gear, I said, I didnt get one of these! The other replied, Not me! She observed that the men now walked over 20 paces BEHIND their wives! Laugh or cringe but please enjoy. 5) The Franco-Prussian War ended in a stalemate and had to be settled by a winner-take-all game of backgammon played by the two countries prime ministers. It is the law; and it's not subject to repeal. Fish Food. Fighter Training Manual You know your landing gear is UP and LOCKED when it takes full power to taxi to your parking spot. A young pilot in a Fighter Jet was flying escort for a B-52 Bomber and generally being a nuisance, acting like a big hotshot, flying loops around the lumbering old bomber. But 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. Ask the Navy to secure a building and they will turn off all the lights and lock all the doors at 1700. During that first roll call in the Army, I waited in dread as the sergeant got to my name: DiFeliciantonio. Military jokes 291 Pins 3y D Collection by Devyn Scholtes Similar ideas popular now Military Humor Military Quotes Humor Funny Memes Military Jokes Army Humor Army Memes Military Life Funny Posts Hilarious Memes Humor Funny Memes Spongebob Memes My son is in Marine Infantry School and one of his best friends is in the Air Force Academy. This class yielded some very famous aircraft, many we still use today. The instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with me, and then just raised a single eyebrow. (Hang up. Not long after, I had a large kettle of soup simmering. Why do flight attendants make great astronauts? What do you use on your face to keep it so smooth? I asked. But I had the last laugh. Bomber Pilots Do Them Too. He nodded. A military sergeant lieutenant saying Based on my experience Did You Hear About The Accident at the Army Base? The list below includes humorous one-liners and stories that will make your military friends and family members laugh like never before. One day you will walk out to your aircraft NOT KNOWING that it is your last flight. Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. There are many branches of the military. Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: I was cold Im convinced my cockroaches have military training. Thanks.. We were a tough group. What do you call a Marine that has an IQ of 160? Chicago. I got one here related to the tranparency of Soviet news.. ----- *News report from Soviet press agency* A friendly communist agricultural tractor was intercepted by enemy group of seven Chinese battle tanks, while performing its everyday works on wheat fields along Soviet-Chinese border. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate, 18. What do you call a group of kids who enlists in the military? Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner in our tent broke and it was 110 outside! My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. She's been working as a writer, editor, QA specialist, and SEO professional for more than four years. When I spotted a Navy captain on the street, I saluted and bellowed, LST 395, which was the designation and number of the ship I served on during World War II. They are the ones protecting us at all times from external threats. Navy Pilot: Were flying faster than the speed of sound! We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. Ramrod straight, each would respond, Marine Air Group 36, sir or Second Marine Division, General. Then there was one young private. Cabin Attendant Two-legged mobile device for extracting cash from a captive audience, 56. P | Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. How much noise can we make up here? Discover a funny military joke about the U.S. Army with this list. While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. Ocean Pearl, I answered. Dont think so? 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition), How to Unregister a Gun in your Name? Minimum Connecting Time Time it takes an Olympic Gold Medal sprinter to run between two gates, 61. Between all the service branches there is a friendly rivalry that will always create jokes among the various branches. It was sheer brilliance. Soldier: No way, you guys had air conditioners? However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from We were inspecting several lots of grenades. My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing Humankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there. Max Stanley (Test Pilot) The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world It can just barely kill you, 31. 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. He wanted to move out of the barracks as soon as possible. 5. Whats the difference between God and a fighter pilot? This website is not affiliated with the United States Marine Corps, and the information on this website does not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Marine Corps as a whole. The Lasting Supper Im 81 years old, he answered. A visitor, returning to Kuwait for the first time since the Gulf War, was impressed by a sociological change. Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas Even his son turned up. Next time I send a damn fool, I go myself., My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. When our drill instructor demanded an explanation, the man bellowed, This recruit has proved himself worthless and weak and is being mailed home to his mother!. Why did the Soldier bring a blanket to an active battle zone? She told me she warships them. He then asked conspiratorially, Do you want to keep your sideburns?I perked up. Military 3. Whats the difference between the Boys Scouts and the Army? You have plenty of time. Jack Girard. "As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position", 18. 37. 64. P | Engine noise at an unbelievable high level. Remember them the next time youre talking to a friend or family member that has served as a Marine because these jokes are bound to make them smile. I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. . I instantly knew I was in the right outfit when I looked around. Awesome page, I came out of the US Army in 92. SUB sandwiches! He says, Anyway, enough about me. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position? Because the Army needed heroes too. Katees passion for writing and fascination for language has forever guided her path in life. Either way, it is a simple gesture that will be sure to get a grin. The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. Pointing to the Airborne wings on my Army uniform, I explained, The last time someone gave me wings, I had to jump out of the airplane.. Jokes Archives - Aviation Humor U.S. Navy Warship: This is the captain of a U.S. Navy ship. 28. Rather than move, he called the bridge: Hey, he said, can you shift the ship 15 degrees? Passenger Cargo that talks or Self-loading freight, 58. I set out a roach bombthey defused it. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? One day, at an event honoring veterans, a young man asked where they had been stationed. At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. Knowing my tough-to-spell last name would give him fits, I said, Just put down Sergeant Gary, as my last name is too hard. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, Where are you from? St. A cookie and a piece of cake joined the army, but eventually, they abandoned their fellow soldiers. Caller: Is Sgt. They came up with that name using Operation Random Thesaurus. He did his daredevil tricks over, and over again, but still not a word. Connors eyes went from one to the other, and then he asked in a puzzled voice, You used to be a bear?. Black said he jokes about getting a sense of what America thinks about its military by the movies that come out, and the only decent military movie in recent years, in his opinion, was "Top Gun . Do not conduct live fire exercises at the generals (unattended) jeep, even if its parked in an area clearly marked Live Fire Zone. Filed Under: Lifestyle, Veteran Life Tagged With: funny, humor, jokes, military jokes. You had tents?, A drill sergeant yells at his young trainee, I didnt see you at camouflage training this morning, private!, The private replies, Well, thank you very much, sir., A general gets stuck in his Jeep on the side of the road. If you want it any closer than that, youll have to bite em off from the inside.. 5. I was very nervous, she said. When I was a Navy student pilot, I visited the home of a classmate. Whats the difference between a fighter pilot and a fighter jet? Do you have change for a dollar? F-16.net - The ultimate F-16, F-22, F-35 reference We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. When I heard him describe the impending birth of his first child as when the baby has boots on the ground.. Why does the military have a strict dress code for ceremonies and events? 29. A military cargo plane, flying over a populated area, suddenly loses power and starts to nose down. It is always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here. We are currently looking for former Marines to join the team who are interested in writing about tactical gear, survival gear, hiking supplies, etc. Unfortunately for him, our lecturer caught him. 41. I have been telling the same joke for a lot of years, but today I will change it up. Aviation jokes | Key Aero To begin with, the U.S. in early 2022 had 38,500 troops stationed on German soil almost 40% of the total number it deploys in all of Europe. Where are you from? It took the poor guy all day. When the general asked, Which outfit are you in? the Marine replied, Dress blues, sir, with medals!. Unless you can be Batman. ! Discussion Board on this Military Joke. Reply: This is a lighthouse your call.. The fighter jet stops whining once the engines are cut off. While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. Basically, if you click on a product link on this site and buy that product we get a small commission at no extra cost to you. During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. 2. and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. Good news and bad news, my instructor said. 7. After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at Rhein-Main Air Base, in Germany, with my eight siblings and me, all under age 11. As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. I lifted up my rifle and gave it one last try: George!! Funny Military Jokes | Army, Navy, Air Force, Marine Corps - VetFriends Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. S | Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. Large mahogany desk.. When a Navy fighter pilot saw this, he decided to approach the man and see what he was doing. ", The customs agent began his interrogation "Ma'am, do you have any weapons, contraband, or illegal drugs in your possession? Flight Announcements 4. Officer: Soldier. Why? I asked. Later, I spoke with Mom. Being in the military is no laughing matter, but you know what can liven the spirits of those who serve or have served? Why? I asked. The Funniest Aviation Jokes and Anecdotes - LetterPile You do know that he could get ill from the bacteria on the toilet. You might be a Coastie if you forget how to color coordinate normal civilian clothes after weeks of wearing only blue. Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike? I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. Killed bin Laden. You might be in the Coast Guard if you think of Fridays as field days. Decodes 7. 44. Nothing, she said. All images on our website are the property of their respective owners. On landing, the Stewardess said, Please be sure to take all of your belongings. Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: One day, while out snapping photos, I was stopped by the military police, who asked for my letter from public affairs. Military Jokes Military Humor - Strategypage.com Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!, 21. !An angry voice finally replied, My name aint George!. The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing every day. My granddaughters husband was complaining about how spellcheck changes the meaning of e-mails when an Air Force officer told him this story: Hed sent a message to 300 of his My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. A drill serGENTLEMEN! Stay out of clouds. The steaming jungles of Vietnam were not my husbands first choice of places to spend his 21st birthday. You might be a Coastie if a cruise does not sound like a vacation to you. What would you do if you came upon an injured man with a steering wheel embedded in his chest? Nervous and unsure, I blurted out, Drive him to the hospital? For some reason, the rest of the room found this hilarious. A senior chief prompted his 25 sailors by saying, I have an easy job for the laziest man here. My grandpa Bob was in the Navy. The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. Takeoffs are optional. Aboard a troop carrier crossing the Atlantic, I noticed a seasick pal of mine losing it over the railing alongside several other soldiers. However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from his sister. 65. DeFrigNo! I smiled and said, Sure was a lot of em, huh sir?. What are you doing? I asked. When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. Why doesnt the Army football team have a website? Welcome aboard Flight 245 to Calgary. Without a letter from public affairs, well have to take your camera. I did the only thing I could do: I pulled a notepad and pen from my bag and wrote a letter giving myself permission to take photos. Corporal Wabo is a former Infantry Squad Leader with 3rd Bn 4th Marines that specialized in Mortars. I thought you had to be in relatively good shape to join the Marines.. Do you want to hear about my plane?. 6. Sidling right up to the student, the speaker shouted in his ear, What would you do for a patient in the event of a nuclear war? Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. During orientation at Fort Sill, in Oklahoma, our first sergeant stated that if anyone lost his locker key to see him, as he kept a master key in his office. We made a private sweep all the sunshine off the sidewalks. Reliable sources report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds. 12. What do you call a second lieutenant surrounded by PFCs? Choose from military jokes such as army jokes, navy jokes and marine jokes that will bring out. After my niece returned from her second tour in Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion looked. 4. 3) The pen used by the military meets 16 pages of military specs. I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. Son, you are going to have to make up your mind about growing up and becoming a pilot. Why Do We Celebrate It? USA: Choppers I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. Individual use is by implied consent. We are directly under the moon.. Some of the jokes on this list I first read and on their websites. A young customs official watched our entourage in disbelief, "Ma'am" he said, "Do all these children and this luggage belong to you? 36. Hey, Im from Chicago too!. He would never get on my nerves, because he would always be gone. There are optimists and pessimists in aviation. After working his magic, the barber exclaimed, There you go, Yank. Funny Aviation Jokes - BEST FUNNY JOKES Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half of the password: George! Trask (his last name) used that heritage to lord it over me. Basic Army training rules goes as follows: If it moves, salute it. ", The student replied, "When I was number one for takeoff sir", 51. It was PRIVATE. 49. 35. 55+ Best Pilot Jokes That Fly | Kidadl Theres a post recall and he has to go to work. His reply was quick and to the point: You didnt.. 10. Students are great about sending our troops letters, and the troops love em. 'I could see the bones in my hands.' F-84 pilot tells the story of when Building the Army is a part of the government's tasks, and the military is made to protect citizens during war-time. This poor old fool, thought the Navy officer, so he invited the old man inside to buy him a drink. Joke #1 Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing! 4. Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant? I asked. Now, I was shy of six feet tall, but when our drill sergeant called for all six-footers to line up, I stepped forward anyway. Are you sure you followed the recipe?. Military jokes - Pinterest Hotel/Car Rental Shuttle Bus Vehicle subject to paranormal effects. Coast Guard Jokes - LiveAbout See, Connor? he explained, pointing to the photo and then to the bear. Altitude is life insurance. An officer calls a young Soldier to attention, scolding him for not attending camouflage training that morning. I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. U.S. Navy Warship: We are a large warship of the United States Navy. What do you call a deer thats enlisted in the Air Force? The Soldier agreed, and when the Marine went to get his drink he started spitting in the Marines boots. The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this airplane?, Without hesitating the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth! Not to mention, when spending many hours deployed and away from home, telling jokes and connecting through humor is the best way to avoid the difficulty of real life. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week" The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. Dario Leone is an aviation, defense and military writer. Aircraft Engineers 1. Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar? Me: Still the wrong number. Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant? I asked. Theres a post recall and he went to work. As an Amazon Associate, I earn a commission from qualifying purchases at no extra cost to you. Turn it off and watch the pilot start sweating. How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a microphone in a cat so the furry feline could spy on unsuspecting targets. I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. 42. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool. You will not live long enough to make all of them yourself. You might be in the Coast Guard if your idea of aromatherapy is Simple Green and JP5. 100 Hilarious Airplane Jokes That Are Surely to Take Off Unless you're a pilot, an aeronautical engineer, a hang-around traveler, or simply someone who enjoys aviation, airplane jokes are surely right up your alley. Why is the United States Air Force the most patriotic military branch? 130 Best Aviation Humor ideas | aviation humor, humor, aviation Aviation Humor 129 Pins 1y S Collection by STS Aviation Group Share Similar ideas popular now Humor Funny Military Humor Aviation Fuel Aviation Humor Aviation Technology Airbus Boeing Airline Humor Airline Reservations People Fly Flight Attendant Life LinkedIn Aviation Quotes